I have been convinced I am wrong (last in a three part series)
I repent! I am on my knees! (Mind out of the gutter). I have been convinced. I see the light! I have sinned! Forgive me, please, forgive me!
Bush is a great man. He is the finest example of a leader I've ever seen. Let's start from the start, even before W was elected. He knew he was incompetent on foreign policy, so he enlisted the help of a top, unbiased expert in the field: the ambassador of Saudi Arabia. Yes, he got private tutoring sessions from the Ambassador, and was quickly brought up to speed on all things international. No, I really don't think this has anything to do with the climbing gas prices. That's because of Hurricane Katrina! Boy, are you wacked.
Then, after elected, 9/11 changed the face of the earth. We were attacked, so Bush went after the terrorists (well, at first, anyway). Then he did something very brave, indeed, he waged a TWO FRONT WAR. Afghanistan and Iraq. How ballsy is that? Yeee Ha! Then, just to be extra smart, he put Rumsfeld as Defense Secretary. Now, I know, Rummy has gotten a lot of flack for his snowflakes, but still. He whipped the DOD right into shape, didn't he? Let's hear it for "small, tactical forces" instead of "overwhelming victory". And who needs the Joint Chief of Staffs as an independent voice, anyway? They're just a bunch of old generals. Rummy's approach to them was a stroke of genius.
Oh, I know, Powell (that little wimp) wanted a full -fledge, drown them with guns so they can't pop up again, assault. But that dissenter soon got his come-upance. Yup, Bush fired his no good ass and replaced him with Rice. She's really an independent thinker, now, isn't she!
Then, just for good measure, he told the American People we must invade Iraq because SH was going to bomb us at any minute! WE MUST FIGHT THEM THERE SO WE DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT THEM HERE. THEY HAVE YELLOW CAKE! DOOM IS IMMINENT! That nasty SH, I know, let's have a policy of debathication so we don't have any leaders at all left in Iraq and we'll have exhiles run the country -- even though they have no support of the population. That's true forward thinking. That's thinking outside the box.
So then the war is over, and Bush declared victory. "Mission Accomplished". Wow, in short order, too. I'm really glad he kept the casualty numbers (of Iraq civilians) top secret, we don't need to know that stuff, same with the ever rising number of violent incidents in the following months (and years). I wanted to hear about Terri Schaivo and that murdering husband who tried to snuff her drooling head out a long time ago. Or, about the Homosexuals who are about to change the face of marriage as we know it. But I digress.
And when Bush surrounded himself with "yes men" so he had no alternate opinion (and thus thought WMDs were a 'slam dunk') that was BRILLIANT. That's just what they've done at the big mortgage corporations like Countrywide. See, Bush is a great business leader, too. Maybe he'll manage my 401 K?
Outing Plame: anothe stroke of genius. The wire tapping program: get those terrorists! Keeping people in prison with no hope of a trial: THEY ARE TERRORISTS not people! Hello! Dunking them so they think they are drowning -- I call that 'information seeking' and "shower". Pansies.
Oh, and let's not forget the care we give our vets when they return home (if they are not shipped right back out again). ("You wanna kill yourself? No? Good, on the plane you go, good luck to ya!) It was only ONE building at Walter Reed that had rats, bugs and mold. Geeze. Suck it up. Waiting list for medical benefits? Only half year or so, not bad, not bad. We treat our vets RIGHT.
I could go on, but we all know Bush is the dude we want to have a beer with. Yeah, that's gonna happen! Just the other day, I had a call on my answering machine that was an "unavailable" number! It was W, I know it, calling me for that beer.
I'm COMMIN' GW, I'm COMMIN! Don't eat all the burgers!
(This is the last in a three part series. I just couldn't help myself. And, for all those of you who say "Bush hater, sooo 2007" I wrote this installment. It's dedicated to you, enjoy!)"